In Rm I we are improving our writing by adding detail and description using our 5 senses.
Here is Mrs Palmer's writing:
I went out of Rm I to the hall kitchen. I got the sausage rolls. I asked two boys to deliver them to the staffroom as I had duty.
Room I gave me some feedback: 'No Mrs Palmer! This is boring and it has no details. It is NOT holding the reader's interest.'
So as a class we rewrote it using our 5 senses- smell, taste, touch, hearing and sight.
Rm I's writing:
As I exited Incredible Rm I a tantalising smell tickled my nostrils. I followed the smell to the hall kitchen. I removed the steaming hot sausage rolls from the rustic oven.
Children's voices, bouncing balls, doors slamming and moving feet reminded me it was morning tea time. I scanned the playground for helpful children, spotting two I called them over. As I breathed in the freshly cooked aroma of warm pastry and meat, I just couldn't help myself and I popped two little bites in my mouth. They burned as I swallowed.
Mrs Palmer gave Rm I some feedback: 'Wonderful use of your senses to give interesting, vivid details and description. Well done!'
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